Sexual Education, Shit!
by Tasty-Pie
Summary: The seniors if Fairy Tail academy are about to have the worst class of their lives...sexual education. What embarrassing occurrence will happen in the class? And what happens after Natsu watches a "Giving Birth" video? Little quickie, so don't take this ONE-SHOT too seriously! [No pairing included, sorry!] R&R!


Author's Notes: What in great Kami is wrong with me!? XD My friend and I were just plainly discussing Fairy Tail and then this came up! So, being the overly enthusiastic and perverted reader/writer I am, decided a sex education would make for a _great_ Fan-Fiction (one-shot)! Lets hope you guys do too! X3

Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail, 'cause if I did...you'd know. :3

Credit: A Good Friend for helping me come up with this idea whilst plainly discussing a stupid topic. XD

Genre: Humour and slight Romance.

Rating: T for...sexual education, basically. XD

WARNING: This Fan-Fiction one-shot includes, strange subjects being discussed among the students of Fairy Tail academy, book fights, sexual explanations and video examples, questions revolving around female and male body parts and a large amount of cream...**YOU'VE BEEN WARNED**. :3

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_One-Shot _

The classroom's noise level rose to a peak as the teacher left to get something. Lucy Heartfilia sat silently at her pine-wood desk, doodling busily in her sketch book. A vein became visible on her forehead as the schools' most annoying student, Natsu Dragneel, continuously bombarded her with statements, facts and questions on fire - something she could care less about.

"Hey Luce, hey Luce, hey Luce, hey Luce, hey Luce-"

"WHAT NOW, NATSU!?"

"Hi!" grinned the pink-haired, fire-fanatic freak that was, her best friend.

Lucy sweat-dropped and buried her head in the palm of her hands with frustration. "Why can't you just piss off?!" she questioned the spiky-haired boy.

"Because I'm bored~" he whined in response. Lucy grit her teeth at him before turning around on her chair to face Levy.

"Lev, can you tell Natsu to fuck off?" she asked the blue-haired bookworm sweetly. Levy laughed and turned to Natsu.

"Fuck off, Nats-"

Before she could finish her sentence the classes' teacher burst through the door. She was followed by another woman who looked to be in her fifties, maybe even sixties...it's not like anyone was going to find out.

The classes' usual teacher, Erza, sat down in the corner of the room and made herself comfortable before pulling out a strawberry cake all of a sudden, turning her usually serious face to a happy jelly face. She began slowly eating the cake and watched in fascination as the class quietened down at the sound of the elderly woman's voice being raised to gain their attention.

"Ahem!" she voiced, placing the posters, video tapes and other things the students didn't even want to know about down. She put her hands on her hips and shut her wrinkly eyes, waiting for the class to fall completely silent. Erza took this opportunity.

"SHUT IT!" yelled the flaming red-head, who was attempting to enjoy her lovely, delicious strawberry cake in peace and quite.

"Thank you." mouthed the woman at the front before turning back to the class. Lucy began hearing quite murmurs about the teacher from the students around her. Things like: "_Hey, I know her! Isn't she supposed to be the schools' sex ed. teacher!?_" Lucy's chocolate-brown eyes widened at this but she listened closer. "_What's she doing here!? I hope she's not-_"

"Now, some of you may recognise me, I'm Ms. Porlyusica, also known as Fairy Tail Academy's sex education teacher,"

With that said, all of the girls in the class groaned in horror, whilst most of the boys voiced "WOO HOO!"s and cheers. Lucy rubbed her face with embaressment. She didn't wanna have to go through this! _Especially_ since Natsu and Loke in her class! If those two joined their perverted sides together after understanding all the facts and instructions on sex, they'd be unstoppable little perverts!

Somewhere of to the side, Erza chuckled darkly as she bit into her soft cake and smiled devilishly.

"No complaining!" yelled Porlyusica, "Now, I understand some of you may be uncomfortable with this but...DEAL WITH IT. Somewhere in most of your lives, you'll find a partner and you'll wanna have sex! All of us experience it!"

Suddenly, the whole class spun to the sides of their desks and vomited animatedly-...well, all but the perverted boys of course, who were plainly sitting in their seats with a curious look on their devilish faces.

**AN HOUR LATER ~ **

"Now, this is where the baby comes out." spoke Porlyusica as she gave a demonstration with the dolls that were made for this kind of thing. Suddenly, the whole class erupted with groans of disgust and students flung their hands up to their faces to shield their eyes from the sight.

"THIS IS SICK!" yelled one of the students from the back of the classroom. Porlyusica turned around and glared at the boy with an intent to kill. She gestured with her fingers for him to come up to the front of the class and the students immediately felt pity for the poor boy.

As he approached the gray-haired woman, his face was filled with regret.

"Would you like to read the next paragraph aloud to the class, explaining what happens during intercourse?" questioned Porlyusica bending down to the boys level with a sly smile on her wrinkly face.

The boy shook his head rapidly and turned to run back to his seat, but was stopped by Porlyusica's arm on his shoulder, spinning him back around to face her old face.

"I'm sorry, boy, but..." she grabbed the book from the teacher's desk and put it in his hands. "Read." she finished with an angry yet merciful voice.

The boy blushed darkly as he opened the book, allowing his eyes to scan through a few of the words. Oh God, the horror! He held the book in front of his face with embarrassment, Erza - from the side-lines - smirked with a frown and rested her elbow on her knee as she carefully listened to his mumbling of jumbled words.

Porlyusica frowned and rose her voice, "Speak up!" The boy shook with fright and did so.

He began reading aloud:

**(A/N: By the way, his stuttering isn't included within the book. ;)) **

'_Everyone c-comes of an age for sex._' the boy stopped reading an looked up at the teacher with sheer horror and a dark-red blush all over his face. Porlyusica showed no pity and gestured for him to continue reading. '_B-But of course, you'll always know when you want it. This book will show you the basic guide of what occurs when people have sex and how it happens._'

**A few minutes later...**

Everyone's, especially the boy who was reading the book, eyes widened in utter terror and humiliation as they buried their heads into the palm of their hands, praying that they could un-hear what the boy had just read out.

Porlyusica and Erza looked at each other and smirked. "Thank you..." Porlyusica stopped, waiting for the boy to give her his name. He turned slowly, his wide eyes not blinking or moving they just kept straight.

"Mizuki." he answered before walking like a stiff robot back to his desk, gaining sympathetic looks from all of the students.

"Mizuki!" finished Porlyusica with a laugh. "Any questions?"

At that, every student retracted their stretching arms and hid them under their desks.

"I didn't think so. Now! Time to show you all, a video on giving birth."

The entire class screamed in horror as she stuck the tape in the video player and flicked on the TV.

"_It's almost out! Just a little more!_" encouraged one of the doctors on the screen. All the students shot back in fright as it gave a zoom in on the ladies stretched womanhood as the baby's body was almost completely out.

The girls averted their eyes while the boys released more girly screams.

"WHAT THE HELL!?" yelled Natsu, covering his eyes but squinting between his fingers shyly at the scene on the television screen. "Jesus! How does that even work!?"

Lucy face-palmed and glared at Natsu. "Idiot." she muttered. Hadn't this pink-haired dumbass seen this kind of thing before? Does he even know how he was born?!

Gray watched with horror as he stared at the TV screen from the other side of the room. Juvia reached from her desk behind Gray and clutched his arm. The shirtless raven-haired boy screamed in fright at Juvia and attempted to pull her off his arm, but the blue-haired, obsessive girl didn't even budge as she kept her eyes of the TV.

Porlyusica allowed the students to exclaim in fright, shock, horror, terror, all those good things. After all, it was insanely amusing.

Natsu suddenly froze and his face turned green with disgust. "W-Wait..." he mumbled, Lucy glanced at him with a raised eyebrow - she seemed to be the only mature one in the class, besides Levy. "...d-does that mean...I was born like that?"

Everyone in the class face-palmed. "YES!" they yelled in unison at the, now, passed out flame-head.

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**That sucked...I was so bored, I just felt like typing up a little quickie for you guys. Hope you liked it - if you didn't I don't wanna hear about it, so NO FLAMES or criticism, thanks. **

**I know it wasn't as funny as I wanted to be...but eh. It's a scorching-hot day, and I don't write well in the heat, so keep that in mind. :c**

**Reviews are GREATLY appreciated! So remember to leave on, just by typin' in that wittle, babeh box down the bottom there! :D**

**-Tast-Pie...out! :D**

**(IGNORE ANY MISTAKES.)**


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